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A time it was, and what a time it was…it was,
A time of innocence, a time of confidences …
Long ago, it must be… I have a photograph
Preserve your memories; they’re all that’s left you.
(Simon and Garfunkel)
No matter how much you think you’re ready for it, or how well you think you have prepared yourself to face the inevitable, it’s still difficult to accept the fact that this is it… it’s over.
He had always known that this moment would arrive … eventually. And until a few months ago, it had remained in the elusive mists of ‘the future.’
But that someday had finally arrived. Inside the cab, there was an awkward moment of silence as the two of them sat staring out the windshield while they watched the bay doors slowly lower. They were both relieved to see the engine was out on a call. Both men had been secretly hoping that the rest of the A shift had long gone by the time they had returned to the barn. It would make the final goodbye that much easier if it ended the way it had started… with just the two of them.
There would be a good-bye party at the Stanley’s later that afternoon, but right now it just felt appropriate that they shared this moment alone.
The bay doors continued to screech slowly downward, until they connected with the pavement and stopped. To Johnny it reminded him of a theatre curtain going down at the end of a play, after the actors had taken their final bow… their last curtain call. That’s what this felt like. It was almost as if it had been written by the master playwright as a divine denouement to their partnership… the closing act on their careers as Paramedics.
Suddenly the inside of the squad seemed empty and lonely. It had been inside this cab that they had run the full gamut of emotions with each other over the past seven years. Sometimes it had been a case of one, or both, of them venting their frustrations and anger. At other times there had been tears borne of heartbreak and disappointment. He had lost count of all the numerous quiet talks the two of them had shared, especially after a hard call.
Then there had been those happier, lighter times… on those good days, with those silly, inane, fun topics that cropped up as a way of coping with their job.
Now that he thought about it, the cab of their squad had been where they’d developed their own unique version of therapy as a way of finding some semblance of stress relief … bolstering each other, comforting each other….keeping the nightmares at bay.
They had, at times, had a few tiffs and minor arguments over the years, but it had only served to bring them closer, into a deeper understanding of the other person and what made them tick; Johnny the man of action, Roy the patient, analytical one.
They had never failed each other. They had always had each other’s backs. The man sitting beside him had become more than just his partner; he had become his best friend, his confidant, his advisor … his brother. Over the years they had grown to love each other, to depend on the other’s presence in their lives. Through all of the perils that their job could throw at them they had always been a team… the two of them against the enemy known as death. But now it was over. No more would they be a team working side by side, together each day.
Johnny wondered if this was how it felt to have a limb amputated. It certainly felt like a part of him would be missing from here on in… or maybe it was more like getting a divorce when you were still madly in love with your spouse.
Whatever analogy best suited the feelings he was experiencing at this moment didn’t matter. The point was; that now that that moment had actually arrived, he found himself sitting there at a loss for words with a huge lump in his throat and a terrible ache in his heart. Being a Paramedic had been more than a job for him… it was a lifestyle. In fact, up until now, it had been John Gage’s whole life.
He was going to miss every part of the job, especially the thrill of administering some life-altering treatment that brought another human life back from the brink of death. He would miss all the myriad of other little moments, like those days of leaning over the base station desk at Rampart, shooting the breeze with the Doctors and Dixie, coffee in hand, or flirting with the nurses. Hell, he was even going to miss Chet.
Now that the time had come, neither man wanted to open the door of the squad and slide out for the last time.
For some time the two men sat in the squad’s cab in silence. Finally Johnny slowly reached for the door handle. He hesitated a moment, taking one last look around the inside of the cab’s interior, his fingers running along the edge of the radio, before he turned to Roy with a sad smile.
“Well, Pally, this is it. I guess we’re coming to the end of it, huh? The end of an era.”
Roy’s attempt at a smile made it clear that like Johnny, he was having a hard time letting go of the steering wheel for the last time. He took a deep steadying breath before he answered Johnny.
“It looks like it, Junior; I guess we’d better hand over the reins,” he answered quietly, the sadness evident in his voice.
Johnny picked up the mic and held it to his mouth for the final time. “Squad 51, in quarters,” he signed off before replacing the microphone to its holder. Then, reluctantly the two men opened up the doors of the squad and exited.
Somehow it felt more like going to a funeral, rather than going home at the end of their shift. He and Roy had struck gold when they became partners and Johnny somehow intrinsically knew that in his career, he would never get any happier than he had been here at Station 51… It would never be the same again.
He knew his personal life would have many moments of great joy and happiness in the future. Hopefully before too long there would be a wife and then children. But career-wise he felt like he had reached his emotional zenith at Station 51 and he knew he would always cherish these past seven years.
The two men walked toward the doors that lead out of the bay. Johnny quietly followed behind Roy as he entered the kitchen.
Johnny hesitated for the briefest of moments to take one last look over his shoulder at the bay where the squad stood waiting for her next call … waiting to go on without them. He stood looking at it, taking one last mental picture of their baby… the vehicle that represented a culmination of seven years’ worth of rescues… of miraculous saves, as well as disappointing losses.
With a final sigh of resignation he pushed open the door and followed Roy into the kitchen, so they could hand over the squad’s keys to the waiting B shift.
~ ~ ~
The first inkling Johnny had had that change was in the offing, came just a little over four months earlier. He had been over at the DeSoto’s for dinner on a rainy February evening, when Joanne mentioned that her car had been running rough lately. Johnny, of course, had offered to help Roy with it the next day.
It had been while they were huddled under the open hood of the car that Roy had remarked that Chris was going to be thirteen on his next birthday, and that in just a couple years he would want a car of his own. It didn’t take long for the conversation to shift towards talking about how quickly the kids were growing up and that before they knew it, Chris would be heading off to college. It had been an innocuous enough statement at the time, but it wasn’t long before Johnny knew that it had been a harbinger of things to come.
It was only a few shifts later that Johnny found Roy looking through the notices on the bulletin board about the upcoming Engineers and Captain’s exams. He knew by the way he was studying them that it was more than just a man idly reading what was on the board to pass the time. Johnny could tell by the expression on his partner’s face that Roy was looking for information.
At the time Johnny hadn’t said anything, but he noticed that for the rest of the shift, Roy seemed like he was nervous and on edge whenever he was around him. Johnny knew where Roy’s thoughts were going, and he also knew Roy was reluctant to bring the subject up for fear of upsetting him.
Roy was ready to move on up. He would be thirty five next November and his kids were getting older. Chris may have only been five when they started out, but he was now twelve, getting ready to head into his teenage years. And Jenny was not far behind at ten. Roy was a family man with two kids to put through college, and Johnny had to concede that time was marching on.
And then there was the safety issue… Engineer was a far safer job than either Paramedic or linesman, and his partner had three very important people counting on him to be there for many years to come. Just because Johnny was only twenty eight, and not yet at the age where he was thinking about leaving the Paramedics yet, he knew he had no right to expect Roy to hold back for him. Roy’s first loyalty was to his wife and children, and seeing that they had everything that they needed.
Johnny knew that Roy hated the idea of doing or saying anything to hurt or upset him, and that he was probably sitting alone in the locker room right at this moment worrying himself into an ulcer over it. And as much as he was dreading losing his best friend and partner, he knew what he had to do. He also knew that it was the right thing… the loyal thing to do. Roy was like a brother to him and in seven years they had never failed to have each other’s backs.
Well, he mused, I’ll have his back now… Roy needed him to make this easier on him, and after seven years, I’m not about to let him down now. Oh well, we’ve had a great run while it had lasted, he thought sadly.
Johnny drew in a deep breath and walked over to where his partner sat on the bench in front of his locker, polishing his boots, and started the conversation that would bring about the end of their partnership.
Originally, Johnny had assumed Roy would go for Engineer and that was a job Johnny was not the least bit interested in. It was too mundane for him. He was an action man who needed to be in the thick of things.
But he also knew he was not sure he wanted to have any other permanent Paramedic partner other than Roy, and he secretly wondered how long he would stick it out after Roy had left.
Johnny loved being a Paramedic, and he couldn’t really picture himself as anything else. The only way he could see himself leaving, was if they saddled him with someone like Craig Brice.
If they did that, he may consider going back to working on the engines as a linesman. Not that he even realistically saw that ever happening. Paramedics were in demand and he knew the department would push for him to stay put if he had no intentions of following Roy’s lead in going out for Engineer.
So it came as a complete surprise when Roy informed him that he had given up the idea of Engineer, and that he was going to try for Captain.
It hadn’t taken very long before Johnny got to thinking about the idea of being a Captain himself. Although he had no interest in becoming an Engineer, the idea of having his very own station… being in charge of his own crew had caught his attention. He knew that Captains, while not being as fully involved in the actual rescue and firefighting end of things, were still fairly hands on when needed. Plus, if he did go for Captain with Roy, it would certainly solve the issue of not wanting to work with any other Paramedic partner but Roy.
By the end of that week, Johnny had made up his mind… he was going to try for Captain, too. He didn’t know who was more shocked by his decision, Roy or Captain Stanley. Together the two medics had quietly approached Cap, and had gotten all the study materials they would need.
They had managed to keep their plans to just themselves and Cap for a grand total of one week, before it filtered down from head office that the premier Paramedic team of Gage and DeSoto were planning on moving on up to greener pastures in the department.
As it turned out both Craig Brice and Bob Bellingham had also made the decision to take the Captains exam.
Many were shocked by the news that both Gage and DeSoto had made the choice to leave the Paramedics. Everyone had understood why Roy had decided it was time to move up. Hell, most of them had been expecting it. But the fact that Johnny was going for Captain, too, had caught everyone off guard.
Although seeing how close the two men were, they really shouldn’t have been all that surprised. The closeness of Station 51’s ‘A’ shift Paramedics was legendary in the department. It was well known that Gage and DeSoto were exceptionally close and did almost everything together, both on and off duty.
Doctors Brackett and Early, along with Dixie McCall, were especially sad to be losing some of their best and brightest…but they understood that it was as much a money issue as it was about the title…at least when it came to Roy.
As far as the rest of 51’s A shift crew went, it had actually been suggested that maybe Mike Stoker should also take the Captain’s exam, because Mike was quintessential Captain material. But he had declined. In the end, he just wasn’t ready to leave his beloved Engine behind. Mike had been the first to drive Station 51’s engine… her christening, so to speak.
He had given her her baptism by fire on her very first alarm, and because of that, he somehow felt that she was just a little bit more his than the other two engineers who drove her at Station 51. But one day soon, Mike would try for Captain…he was just too good not to.
As far as either Chet or Marco trying for Engineer, it just wasn’t in the cards. His abysmal results the last time he had taken the Engineer’s exam had been like an albatross around Chet’s neck, and ever since then, he could not convince himself to screw up the courage to try again.
When it came to Marco, he was fairly ambivalent about the whole idea. He was pretty content in his role as a linesman. And since both men were still single and had no children, they could both afford to live on a linesman’s salary quite comfortably, so there wasn’t the same motivation as a married man with two growing kids who would need braces and bikes and, one day college.
The impetus for Johnny going for Captain had primarily been his unwillingness to have any other permanent Paramedic partner than Roy. And so as it had always been with the two of them, they did it as a team. They had studied together, took the test together and worried about their scores together. It not only kept them close, but it also made their decision feel less daunting.
Like everything they did together, their final test results were identical….97. If it hadn’t been for the fact that it was impossible to cheat, someone might have been suspicious. But not only had they had not been sitting next to each other when they were tested. They had been on total opposite sides of the room.
Besides their few small minor errors had been different. They hadn’t been anything earth shattering…he wouldn’t say that they had been inconsequential mistakes…nothing in their job was inconsequential…but they were also nothing that would compromise the incident or endanger a life. Their minor mistakes on the exam were things both time and experience would correct.
Only Brice had beaten them with a score of 99. Thankfully he was going to be assigned to a different shift. He had been assigned to B shift over at station 45. Both John and Roy had already been told that they would be working on C shift in their respective Stations; Johnny at Station 17 and Roy over at 105.
It didn’t surprise anyone in the fire department that Brice had scored the highest. Johnny had always maintained that Mr. and Mrs. Brice had actually adopted Craig as a baby and that his birth parents were really Funk and Wagnall. In fact he was convinced that Brice must have been conceived in the reference section of the local library.
He was so perfunctory, with no real people skills, and Johnny secretly pitied the crew that drew him as their Captain, almost as much as he had pitied those who had had to suffer through Hookraider before he had retired the year before.
When the word had come down that both Johnny and Roy had passed, it had been a day of mixed emotions. All of a sudden it had become a reality and it really began to hit home that they were both really leaving Station 51. They spoke of how weird it was going to be when any of their shift mates drew overtime at their stations, and would have to take orders as subordinates from their former peers. Then there had been those few weeks when technically there had been three Captains (albeit unofficial in John and Roy’s case) at Station 51. They noticed that Hank had treated them just a bit differently now… more as an equal. Both Johnny and Roy had found it to be a little disconcerting. But at the end of the day, both men knew that they were up for the task, even though there would be an adjustment period at first.
Johnny knew that dealing with the pencil pushers at headquarters was going to be his biggest challenge. Whereas Roy figured his biggest obstacle would be his tendency to second guess himself after the fact. He would be fine in the heat of battle.
Roy knew that both he and Johnny had great instincts when it came to both fire and rescue work. But it would be later on, on those the calls that ended badly that he would struggle. That would be one area where he would really miss his partner’s influence on him. Johnny was more the type to put a period behind the shift knowing he’d done his best, and be ready to move on to the next one, anxious and chomping at the bit to get going.
But there was no doubt that it would be at those discouraging times that they would miss each other the most.
On their final day at Station 51, both Johnny and Roy had arrived early so they could clean out their lockers without an audience. This day was going to be hard enough as it was, and they didn’t want to watch the sad looks on the shift mates’ faces and they emptied out their lockers. It had almost been a moment of reverence for Johnny, as he carefully removed Smoky from his place of honor on the door of his locker, and slowly rolled up the poster and put it in the box with the rest of his gear. When they had finished they took their belongings and stowed them in their vehicles before any of the others arrived.
Both men knew that they were going to be at a high emotional pitch all shift long. The rest of the crew had planned a small party with a cake after supper on their last shift to mark the end of the original team of six, who had been there from the very beginning of Station 51’s when it first opened its doors for business in Carson. Neither Johnny nor Roy had really wanted the guys to make any fuss, but they had recognized that it was emotionally important for the rest of the A shift to have closure of some kind, so they had agreed to the cake, and the subsequent barbeque later on at Caps’ house.
At what turned out to be their penultimate rescue, the two men had been roused out of their beds at 4:30 in the morning, as they were summoned to the birth of a baby boy that had arrived a week earlier than expected. It kind of seemed fitting… the new life of a child juxtaposed against a new chapter in the life of the two medics who delivered him.
When they had arrived back at the barn it was just before six in the morning, so they had just slipped into the dorm and grabbed their uniform shirts and slipped them on over the white T-shirts they had on under their bunkers when they had been summoned from sleep. Then they went back into the kitchen and made a pot of coffee, while they sat and shared some quiet time together before the wake-up tones sounded.
By the time 7:45 rolled around, the A shift crew had all had breakfast, and had finished their second pot of coffee. As the B shift filtered in, everyone changed into their civvies… all except Johnny and Roy. They had not made any move to change out of their uniforms. They were both dragging out the inevitable as long as they could. That final moment when they would pull out of the parking lot of station 51 as official A shift members for the very last time. It would be sad moment for all of them…they were the first sheep to leave the fold.
As luck would have it, they were actually given a minor reprieve at the last moment, when a call for the squad came in at 7:55.
Technically it was still their shift, even though the custom had always been, that if it was this close to the start of the next shift and everyone was there, the incoming shift would go ahead and take the call, so the outgoing shift did not get stuck working overtime for an hour or more. But this day was not a usual day.
Looking at each other the two men never paused to consult the others. With a final grin at everyone else in the room, they both nodded in agreement as they took off towards the squad.
It was a bittersweet moment for the rest of the crew as they watched while their friends ran to the squad one final time. The two friends jumped into the squad and took off, lights flashing and sirens wailing, with Roy at the wheel and Johnny riding shotgun as navigator. They were ending their Paramedic careers in the perfect way….on the job…together … just like Butch and Sundance riding off into the sunset. It was their Swansong.
When they arrived on scene, they discovered their patient was the victim of a heart attack, and that by the time they had arrived on scene, the man was in V-fib. It had been a real fight, but in the end, after Johnny had counter-shocked the man three times with the defibrillator, they had managed to bring him back.
As the ambulance attendants were loading the man into the back of the ambulance, Roy stood up slowly and put his hand on Johnny’s shoulder.
“It seems kind of fitting Junior, that our first official call… in fact the first official call for any Paramedic … resulted in you being the very first medic to use the defibrillator in the field. Which if I recall correctly, was a save. And here we are now, ending our Paramedic careers exactly how we started it, with you using that same defibrillator to save another man’s life. It kind of bookends our careers, don’t ya think?”
Johnny never answered, as the realization slowly sunk in. But he did give his partner a grin and a thumbs up, as he climbed into the back of the Mayfair, while Roy shut the doors and patted them twice to signal that they were ready to go.
And that had been what had brought the pair of them to that point where they were now… alone in the parking lot of Station 51, preparing to leave, for the very last time as official members of the A shift. It truly was the end of an era.
~ ~ ~
Four days had passed since Johnny and Roy had put in their last shift at Station 51, and it was now the morning of their ‘graduation.’ They were to meet at Headquarters at ten that morning where they would receive their badges with the rest of the new Captains.
The last twenty four hours had been very frenetic. Johnny had spent the day over at Roy’s helping him paint his front porch. Normally he would have been out camping or spending the day at the beach with one of the nurses from Rampart. But because the next day would be when they officially received their Captain’s badges in a ceremony down at headquarters, the two men had decided to spend the day together, giving each other moral support. As usual, Johnny was filled with an overabundance of nervous energy, while, Roy was second guessing himself as to whether or not he had made the right decision. As was usually the case, they relied on each other to keep themselves on an even keel.
Johnny kept things from getting too somber, while Roy served as a calming presence in Johnny’s life. It had been while they were eating dinner that Roy had received a phone call from Kelly Brackett. He had wanted to let his two friends in on something that was in the works for the fire department. It seemed that the good doctor had been in contact with Chief Hautes and had planted a little seed of an idea in the Chief’s head that had started to grow.
Dr. Brackett had simply pointed out to those in charge down at headquarters that this would be the first group of Captains that were coming into the position with Paramedic skills and knowledge already on board, and that this would be the perfect time to make some changes in the departmental rules that could be advantageous to both the fire department and the hospitals, especially since the department had already spent the time and money on training them. Apparently the big wigs had agreed and there was now talk, that the fire department was considering allowing incoming Captains that had already been trained to be Paramedics, to keep their Paramedic status, which would allow them to still legally function as Paramedics on scene, should the need arise.
It was recognized that you could never have too many medically trained hands at any incident where there were multiple victims.
Both Johnny and Roy had been excited to hear the news… especially when Dr. Brackett had suggested to them that it might be a good idea if the two of them kept their Paramedic certifications current, just in case the department decided to agree to change the current rules.
Getting that news had made their decision to move up just a little bit easier. But for now, only they, Chief Hautes and Dr. Brackett knew anything about it. But from what Brackett had said, it was pretty much a done deal. Johnny especially had been pleased. It made him feel better, knowing that he would still be able to put his training to good use if it was needed.
On the morning of their ‘graduation’ ceremony, the two of them arrived at headquarters within a minute or two of each other. They were both dressed in their new dress uniforms, looking every bit like the Captains they were about to become. As usual, Roy was calm, cool and collected, while Johnny was practically bouncing out of his uniform … he was so full of nervous energy.
Upon entering the building, they quickly discovered that they were several minutes early, so they grabbed a cup of coffee and went in search of a quiet room in which to wait for the others to arrive.
Walking along the near empty corridor, Roy paused outside a room that was currently unoccupied except for a large table surrounded by several brown plastic chairs. Looking at Johnny, he pointed to the open door.
“This looks like as good a place as any to wait,” he said as he went inside, with Johnny at his heels.
Once inside, Johnny looked around at the room’s interior, and got a strange look on his face as the realization of where he was standing dawned on him.
Setting his Styrofoam coffee cup on the table he reached over and grabbed hold of Roy’s arm and spun him around.
“Roy, do know where we are?”
Roy looked back at him in obvious confusion.
“Sure, Junior. We’re standing in an empty room at headquarters waiting for the others to arrive so we can get our badges and officially become Captains Gage and DeSoto.”
Johnny shook his head as he gesticulated wildly with his hands.
“No, Roy, look around. Don’t you remember? This is the exact same room… the very same spot, where we first met seven years ago when I came in to find out about the Paramedic program. This is where I first discovered that a firefighter named Roy DeSoto even existed. Don’t you see? We have come full circle…this is where it all began for us.”
The greater significance finally dawned on Roy as they stood in the room where it had all begun seven years earlier. The symmetry of it was not lost on either one of them.
Johnny just stood there in quiet contemplation. A substantial part of his life had been born in this very room. Not only the birth of his life as a Paramedic, but in some ways…the birth of the Paramedic program itself. They had worked so hard those first months to make the dream become a reality, as they fought to gain the acceptance and approval of both the fire department and the doctors. Dr. Early and Dixie had been on board from day one. But Dr. Brackett had had some reservations about the program…he just wasn’t sold on the idea. But the Paramedic program had prevailed and had turned out to be a resounding success.
In fact, it had been his and Roy’s bold and risky move of treating a seriously injured Dixie out in the field without proper authorization; which had ended up saving her life, that had finally swayed Kelly Brackett to testify on their behalf before the legislative committee in Sacramento.
Without Brackett, it had been questionable if the bill would have made it through. And the two of them, John Roderick Gage and Roy DeSoto had been in on the ground floor.
But just as important to Johnny, this room had been where the birth of his friendship with the man called Roy DeSoto, the one man who had become a brother to him, had happened.
He had only been twenty at the time. He had just turned twenty one a few days after he had graduated from the Paramedic program. And now here he was, about to become a Captain at twenty eight. In fact he would be the only man in the room this morning that was under the age of 30. Not that it bothered him… he knew he was ready to face all the responsibilities and challenges that came with being a Captain.
Johnny knew that as time went on, there would be new innovations in technology and equipment that would crop up, and the Paramedic program would change and evolve without them. But he felt a sense of pride in knowing that he would always have the special honor of being one of the few who had been there at its inception.
It also made him a little sad to realize that once they walked out of that room and into the reception hall, that the Paramedics John Gage and Roy DeSoto would be no more … Captains Gage and DeSoto would replace them. It was almost like going off to college knowing your childhood was now officially over and you were entering the world as adults.
As the two of them stood there, lost in the memories of that day seven years earlier when they had first met, they could hear the sounds drifting in from the hallway, of the others arriving. They quickly drained their coffee and tossed the empty cups in the trash.
Johnny made his way over to the door and grabbed onto the door handle. He suddenly halted and turned around, grabbing onto Roy’s sleeve, preventing his friend from pushing past him and exiting the room.
“Hey, Roy?” he started. “Before things get busy, I just want to take a couple moments to tell you that I hope you know how honored I have been to have gone through these past seven years with you as my partner. The day I walked in here and met you, really was the luckiest day of my life,” he said quietly.
Roy reached over and gave Johnny’s arm a squeeze. “I feel the exact same way, Johnny… I wouldn’t have wanted to go through these past seven years with anyone else but you…even if I did have to drag you kicking a screaming into the program,” he teased.
The two men stared silently at each other for a long time in unspoken conversation. The past seven years held so many memories…both good and bad … for the two of them. There had been a lot of happy times and a lot of friendships that had formed during that time.
Johnny and Roy’s bond had slowly deepened during those years, growing from partner to best friend …and eventually from best friend to brother. He knew that even though they would no longer be working side by side each shift, that they would still retain their closeness. They had already decided that they would make sure they met up for breakfast at the end of their shifts.
Thankfully they were both on C shift. They had also planned on continuing their monthly fishing trips together, as well as the many family barbeques, birthdays and holidays.
Forty five minutes later, the two men were standing at the back of the testing room at HQ, pinning their new Captain’s badges onto their uniforms, when they heard the Chief as he was bringing their ceremony to a close.
*** “You have already been notified of your new assignments. Again, I wish you well, congratulate you and good luck.” The Chief then exited the room, leaving the men alone to socialize.
Johnny and Roy spent the next two hours, sitting outside of headquarters at a picnic table, reminiscing about their Paramedic days, before finally heading out, each man to begin the next chapter of his life as a Los Angeles County Fire Department Captain.
As happens in life, they knew that they would eventually drift away from their former shift mates as they began to socialize with the men from their new stations, but they knew that their own friendship ran too deep…. too strong for that to happen to the two of them. They were more than just friends. They were family… brothers till the very end.
*** quoted from the 1979 Emergency movie… The Greatest Rescues. Season Seven.
Posted to Site 08/05/13
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